#a little less trauma
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ksdesign · 2 years ago
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Glances 🌸
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s0fter-sin · 5 months ago
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ghost fucking soap so hard and so good he passes out but he utterly panics about it
he thinks he must’ve ignored soap asking to stop; was it pain that made him pass out? how bad could it have been to make him pass out when he’s been shot and kept going? should he bring him to medical? he’ll never touch him again, he’ll never so much as look at him again; he’ll ask for a transfer- fuck that, a dishonourable discharge. there’s no coming back from this
he spirals, guilt chasing hatred chasing despair chasing fear, until soap finally wakes back up
soap's still floating, loose-limbed and buzzing; fucked so thoroughly out of his head that it takes him a while to notice ghost isn't in bed with him anymore. he frowns, lifting a heavy head off the pillow and freezes. ghost's on the other side of the room, curled up tight in the corner as far away from soap as he could get without leaving him alone
(he would've left, would've made sure soap never had to see his face again and be reminded of what he did to him, of the monster he’d let into his bed- but he couldn't just leave him unconscious; what if he didn't wake up, he had to make sure he was safe first even if he'll rightfully hate him forever when he does wake up)
soap's voice when he calls out to him makes him flinch, his head burying deeper in his knees. cold worry chases the bliss from his blood and soap pushes himself up but his shaking arms can't hold his weight
the sound of him collapsing back onto the bed makes ghost rear up, his panic growing and soap's heart breaks at his red rimmed eyes
it takes a long time for soap to coax him back to the bed, countless loops of, "sweetheart, please, come here, what happened? it's okay, everything’s going to be okay.”
(and how ghost’s self-hatred grows hearing soap comforting him; hearing the concern and love in his voice when he doesn’t deserve a drop of it)
it takes even longer for ghost to believe soap when he says that he passed out because he felt so good; that he never asked ghost to stop, never wanted him to stop. that he trusts him more than anything and knows he'd rather die than ever hurt him, especially like that
“you’re not a monster, love,” he promises, soft with conviction and it’s as much a surrender as a relief when he collapses into his lap and lets him hold him close
ghost believes johnny but he still can't bring himself to be intimate with him for a while; that fear still haunting him, but soap doesn't hold it against him, doesn't complain about ghost's perceived "step back" in their relationship
hell, ghost seems to hate it more than he does; he misses being with soap, misses the connection, the closeness they shared, the safety and quiet he found in his embrace, but he's always trusted soap more than he trusts himself
soap doesn't let him be consumed by his fear or worse, sabotage them and turn it into a punishment; doesn't let him even get through the suggestion of switching because he knows how much he hates it and he won’t let him twist something as good and pure as their physical love into something self-harming
instead, he brings them back to the basics, working through the steps to get ghost comfortable with intimacy again, to get him to trust himself again; spends happy months just grinding and exchanging handjobs like when their relationship first started
and it's a happy day for them both when soap finally falls apart on his cock once again, anxiety the farthest thing from ghost's mind when his arms are wrapped so tightly around him, kissing a smile against his lips
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forever-and-whats-left · 8 days ago
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Why do people always write fics about Christine and Erik marrying, yet never have him take her last name. LET HIM HAVE A NAME YOU COWARDS! LET CHRISTINE HAVE A FAMILY AGAIN!
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mikkeneko · 1 year ago
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This is just my own interpretation, and I very much do not say that other reads are wrong or that people shouldn't write romantic/sexual qijiu fic, which I've read plenty of and is great, but
I think it's also valid to read Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu's relationship as being neither romantic nor sexual
they are still 100% each other's most precious person but in an entirely platonic way. This read to me mostly comes from the fact that their bond -- which was so strong that the splintering of it kicked off a sequence of events that led to the downfall of their sect and arguably to the end of the world -- formed in their childhood on the streets, before either of them had gone through puberty. And, critically, although they met again when they became teenagers and then adults, their relationship never advanced in any kind of positive direction after that.
I don't think Shen Qingqiu was Yue Qingyuan's white moonlight, or the one he got away. I think he was the one he couldn't save, and the inability to save him hollowed Yue Qingyuan out. It was a wound that was inflicted early enough that it took up half his world, and only grew as he did. I think you don't have to be romantically or sexually interested in someone to love them enough to be willing to die for them.
I think you can get a valid read of the situation that Yue Qi and Shen Jiu's relationship was never romantic, let alone sexual.
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soath · 4 months ago
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the fact that the archheart took selena because he loved her and wanted to give her peace, and in the process left her suspended in an eternal static torment because he doesn't understand how something as fragile as a mortal soul works feels like a summary of the good intentions/bad long term outcome situation with godly soul custody. it makes sense that the gods would end up keeping some of their special followers! the first mortals to get in tight with the gods probably asked for it! the ego death of proper reincarnation is terrifying compared to staying up late hanging out with your buddy pelor. asmodeus and the hells aren't being half as kind about it yet the core motive remains—that hoarding instinct to keep what you love(or hate) and never let it go.
but you and i aren’t meant to be eternal. the kryn use anamnesis to ensure the continuity of self through endless lifetimes and they’re still losing themselves to it. selena was turned into a nighmarish human-faced star because the god she made out of metal thought that they could understand each other and she hung there in his domain burning, her last wish forever repeating on her lips, for a thousand years until he could release her. mortals don’t want to fully die and gods don’t want to let them go but nobody can stay in their frozen crystalline palace of eternity forever. eventually everything in the Real gets to change.
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lgbtlunaverse · 9 months ago
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I think if marcille opened her mind a little beyond her mild butchphobia she'd honestly find postcanon more masc-presenting Falin SO hot like... Falin travelling the world and bringing her gifts from faraway countries, climbing in through her window late at night upon return to see her before anyone else. Literally the prince of Marcille's dreams if only she could see it. She's not quite there yet but she'll get it eventually I believe in her.
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guardian-angle22 · 9 months ago
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911 LONE STAR REWATCH 2024 -> MY FAVORITE SCENES | TK antagonizing the firefighters in 2.07 Displaced
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quietwingsinthesky · 8 months ago
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the doctor is emotionally manipulative. he’s very good at it, and even better at justifying it both to himself and the people he’s doing it to. he can see when his approval, his affection, is valuable enough to someone that withholding it will be an effective way of getting them to do what he wants. this is one of his best flaws, that he’ll do this to people and do it to them for his own definition of what’s good for them.
(gestures vaguely) twissy.
#I LIKE THIS ABOUT HIM. I FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO KEEP SAYING THAT. I like this. its a very good flaw. its very consistent.#its there in all iterations of him (that i’ve seen)#in early episodes with rose he’ll get angry and emotionally withdrawn when she pokes at his trauma. and he knows that it’ll work because in#her own words: don’t argue with the designated driver.#he does it to jack like. a lot in utopia. his judgment only has so much sway over jack because jack is Obsessed with him and he knows that.#jack unsettles him. he uses that control to feel less unsettled. especially when he can’t do it to the actual threat of that finale: the#master. (though. he tries. that’s what the whole ‘i forgive you’ thing is about.)#eleven is practically Made of this impulse. he does it to amy. he does it to river. he does it to rory to a much lesser extent but that’s#because rory has. a vague idea? of how to have healthy boundaries. if not with amy then at least with the doctor.#that’s why his speech about people wanting to impress the doctor making him dangerous is so important. rory can See what he’s doing.#and twelve. obviously. does this to clara. clara also does it right back. this is why they are made for each other alsjjfgjakdj.#and. he does it to missy. because. and i cannot emphasize this enough. he keeps her. in a box.#I ENJOY THIS ABOUT HIM. HE’S A FUCKED UP LITTLE GUY!!!! WITH ISSUES ABOUT HOW HE REALLY REALLY WANTS TO IMPOSE HIS OWN MORALITY ONTO PEOPLE#HE KNOWS HE SHOULDNT BUT HE ALSO GETS FRUSTRATED AND HE DOES IT ANYWAY!!!!#and sometimes it’s unintentional. sure. sometimes it *really really* isn’t though. like.#and sometimes it’s both. sometimes it’s the result of him lashing out and reaching for a familiar coping mechanism in the moment.#but the point is the doctor does this.#doctor who
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jaxihammer · 5 months ago
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You will never convince me that Isabel Lovelace is not disabled post-canon. Think about it.
Of everyone in the crew, she's spent by far the longest time in space. Sure, she's probably been exercising, but that isn't going to fully stop her muscles atrophying. Her bones are going to weaken. Not to mention the fact that she went into the cryo chamber, which we know isn't GREAT for you (I know Eiffel is kind of an outlier but still. Even once is gonna fuck you up at least a little).
Then add to THAT the fact that the body Lovelace has now was created by the dear listeners. Not only are they recreating a body that's already undergone almost a thousand days of the trauma of space; they're doing it with zero existing knowledge of how a human body functions in Earth's gravity. The clones are almost perfect, but there are notable differences in internal organs, and I wouldn't be surprised if Lovelace was put back together with some inconsistencies.
All this to say, I think Lovelace would become a mobility aid user when the crew lands back on Earth. Everyone on the crew would probably end up in physical therapy, but the damage done to her body would be by far the most extensive. Whereas I don't doubt Jacobi, Minkowski, and Eiffel could regain most if not all of their mobility, I think Lovelace would use a wheelchair, and eventually with PT could use crutches or a cane some days. Even if she were to regain muscle function, she would probably have some sort of chronic pain that would necessitate mobility aids!
In conclusion Let Her Be Disabled thank you for coming to my TED talk
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bitchthefuck1 · 7 months ago
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That one chef saying that the worst thing about a bad boss is how they unlock that behavior in you and seeing Carmy mirror the attitude of the chef that terrorized him and gave him panic attacks and then ending the season with Syd having a panic attack because of the stress of working with Carmy...diabolical.
#idk if it's a little too on the nose or not (i literally just finished the season so i haven't had time to sit with it) but that whole#element is so interesting (and so devastating). and the ways that mirrors all of Nat's worries about continuing the dysfunction of her#family now that she has a kid...#i also think its a good portrayal of how not addressing your trauma and leaving things to fester can end up hurting other people way more#than it hurts you. like even if Carmy is okay with choosing to not have a life or to be close with anyone (which. debatable) he's#not the only one whose life gets fucked by that. the mess just radiates out until it hits everyone around him and he ends up creating#the same circumstances that caused his dysfunction in the first place.#even if evil joel mchale chef is right (a+ casting btw very punchable face) and carmy needs to ruin his life to be a good chef#--which is a big if--he's actively making the people around him less able to do their jobs. which then makes the people around them#less able. and so on. so in the end it's still net negative. and like. chef terry proves that he's actually completely wrong#the environment in her kitchen is the exact opposite and everyone is operating at an insane level anyway no abuse necessary#this season was definitely the weakest of the 3 but i rly wanna see where they go next. and they better drop the next bit soon bc that was#in no way complete#the bear#the bear season 3#carmy berzatto#sydney adamu#the bear spoilers
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angelnumber27 · 6 months ago
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violently forcing myself to have better days
#everyone’s different and this isn’t true for everybody of course:#but a lot of the time we have more control over things than we can see in a difficult moment#like for example#a negative thought is inevitable and not something you can just stop. however you CAN decide from there how you let it effect you#it’s way easier said than done but you genuinely can be like hey I’m going to have a good day today#I like to set my intentions for the day and not allow my trauma nightmares to dictate how my whole day goes#but in order to do that I have to consciously decide that I deserve better and then create that for myself#does this make sense?#do things you know you enjoy/ things that make you feel better. take care of yourself. create little healthy routines to do each day#even if it’s just for 5 or 10 minutes#you have to act to make a genuine positive change in your life and circumstances#tried to say this as well as I could but I struggle w articulating exactly what I mean#like my thoughts are too complex to translate into words#anyways though I just wanted to add this- this post is not to make anybody feel bad whatsoever.#if you struggle with certain disorders and such it genuinely might be close to impossible for you to actually be able to have that control#and that’s okay. it doesn’t make you any less of a person and it is not your fault that you experience those difficulties#I just wanted to remind people that it is possible to control certain aspects of your life and it is possible to snap yourself out of it#I know I need to remember this as often as I can#that’s why I shared it#I hope this makes sense I do not know if it does lmao#(the tags)#my thoughts are so jumbled up. idk what other word to use lmao
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jadesarerocks · 7 months ago
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A stoic character with gender related trauma: *exists
Me: *gives them a daughter
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ame-to-ame · 26 days ago
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RAHHH DO I HAVE THOUGHTS
#idk im a huge overthinker so i have those moments of idk if these count as romantic feelings or not#and i have a tendency to take things really seriously when im into it#in the same way of wanting to do things right and whatnot#i wish i had someone to tell me to think a little less and take it easy when i was really going through it#because i thought about it so hard and worried about it so hard that falling in love was no longer fun for me#it was so stressful to me that it was causing me physical harm lol which is so fucked up that relationship trauma can do that to you#but ig part of it was being an inexperienced queer#the queer experience felt so hard to come by in the first place that i really really wanted to do it right and for it to work out#ig in a sense we're luckier to be in an environment where it's not as bad as like. idk.#like ig it's not to the point of i would date someone just bc it's so rare to run into someone else with the same identity#uh#wait#actually.#huh#hm#well. ok maybe like the majority of. the people i got into a relationship with. was bc they shared the same identity.#and i felt like i wouldn't. be able to be understood by someone who didn't share that identity.#anyway though. anyway.#we're working on not. doing that.#but yeah i forgot my point teehee#yuri rambling#kk rambles#i just yk. keep on having to remind myself that falling in love should be fun and not scary#having a silly little crush should bring me joy and not fear#i should enjoy the feeling of being present and enjoying life and even if im doing it my way and being intense i should have fun with it
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atypi-cals · 7 months ago
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>i join a server for systems
> the rules dictate what my littles can and cannot do "for their own safety because they're literally children"
> i leave
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sadlynotthevoid · 5 months ago
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Now that I finished watching the anime and I'm reading the manga like my sister drinks water (a lot and constantly), I'm starting to post prompts and AUs about Wind Breaker too.
Anyways, Awakener AU (if you read korean manhwa/novels, you know what I mean) where the monster spawning begun before Sakura's first year.
—Except Sakura awakened just before he left his hometown and was chased away because they thought he was cursed or something.
People awakening and getting abilities were really new and it wasn't quite well spread yet. No one knew what was going on except him— more or less, thanks to what the whole awakening process implies (floating screen and such)—. Not that he could explain it.
Cue Sakura arriving to Furin when monsters are trying to attack the town. Everyone is confused to who this kid is, why this kid is, and from where did he even came.
Turns out he is the student from 1-1 class who hadn't shown up yet.
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g3othermal3scapism · 5 months ago
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highschool au sydcarmy is just kinda james and alyssa from teotfw
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